10 ways to improve your relationship
Notice your partner doing good things and let them know they are appreciated.
Every day express gratitude for the things you appreciate about your partner. This builds up the emotional bank account.
Really listen to what your partner is saying. Suspend judgments and invest the effort to understand their needs and desires.
Spend time getting to know your partner’s interests, likes, dislikes, favourite movies, music, friends etc. Remember, we change over time. Updating what we know about each other is essential. Maintaining friendship is critical.
Make deliberate plans to spend time as a couple having fun and building shared experiences and memories.
Negotiate, and agree upon, expectations and rules for home and beyond. Make requests, not demands.
Conflict is normal. When in conflict with your partner, look for the aspirations and future goals within that conflict. Always remember the presence of contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling in conflict is highly destructive. (Contempt is the number one predictor of divorce.)
Manage your stress, anxiety, and anger levels by learning techniques to reduce your physiological and psychological symptoms such as increased heart rate, tightness in the body, and unhelpful thinking style.
When your partner bids for your attention, turn towards them and show genuine interest. Bids and turns are the basis for romance, passion, and sex. (Turning away and against is unhelpful).
Keep calm and breathe. Speak and listen non-defensively. Validate your partner. Practice, practice, practice!
And, maintain a sense of humour…
